A while back, for no reason at all, my wife and I were talking about insults. And somehow the conversation drifted to how some words can be used to modify other words or phrases to make a seemingly innocent verbal barb a little bit more nasty. We both agreed that “FU*K” was an accepted bad-ass modifier – but we wanted to keep it relatively clean – so we excluded known expletives. We then started thinking about what other words – which in themselves aren’t too bad are good “nasty” modifiers.
We ended up with Ass, Wad, and Hole.
Sure, there are others – but they weren’t always successful. They might work in context or in certain combinations. But they weren’t universal in their ability to change a phrase from nice to nasty without being negative to start with. But Ass, Wad, and Hole seemed to do the job nearly each and every time. Allow me to demonstrate….
- Muffin -> Muffin Ass, Muffin Wad, Muffin Hole
- Dill -> Dill Ass, Dill Wad, Dill Hole
- Dumb -> Dumb Ass, Dumb Wad, Dumb Hole
- Fat -> Fat Ass, Fat Wad, Fat Hole
Ok, they may not all work flawlessly in every situation, but even when they’re not ideal they still take something nice or cute and change the tone to a negative. For instance, Muffin Hole alone isn’t the best… but if I said, “shut your muffin hole!” – it’s a success.
Turd also works
We agreed that turd also works well. But since it by itself is rather nasty in its connotation – we seldom think of turds in a good light – we left it off our list. We both agreed to leave it off our chosen list but acknowledge it’s a good one. I mean Muffin Turd, Dill Turd, Dumb Turd, and Fat Turd all are fairly funny and nasty but not overtly offensive in and of themselves.
Well, while I don’t believe this blog post will help evolve the human species… it was fun to write. And if you Dumb Ass, Dill Hole, Muffin Wads don’t like it, well… go lick bunny turds or something.
